Fertility shaming is more common than we think. How many of you have been "cornered" before? This lady stood up to put her foot down, and earned supporters from all over.
After a couple has dated for some time, well-meaning folks around them would be asking, “When is the big day?”
When the wedding is over, the next question becomes, “So, when are you having babies?”
It’s a predictable “life cycle” most of us face, and for some who are swinging singles at a child-bearing age, these folks start commenting, “Where is your boyfriend?”, “How come you don’t bring him over?”and “When I was your age, I already had X number of children!” etc.
And it seems, this “natural phenomenon” strikes not just Asians but also those in the Western regions.
33-year-old Emily Bingham from Michigan decided to put her foot down to speak up about such nosy remarks by ranting on her Facebook with an aptly chosen ultrasound scan image.
She wrote: “This is just a friendly P.S.A. that people’s reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop.”
Her post garnered an unexpected number of supporters, mainly from women who were nodding away in agreement as they read. To-date, it has been shared over 76,000 times.
“You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings — but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends’ experiences — it more than likely does,” she explained.
Speaking of her own experiences, Ms. Bingham shared what finally blew her mind and hence the retort on Facebook.
“I had had dinner with some of my boyfriend’s family, and someone had made a joke about grandkids, pointed at me, and it wasn’t the first time I’d had somebody make a comment like that,” Ms. Bingham said. “I’m 33. I’ve never been married. I’ve had people say things like, ‘You’re getting older, do you want to have kids? Your clock is ticking.’
“I think I finally felt mad enough about it to say something,” she said.
Emily Bingham’s fertility shaming concern won raves from women all over the world. Find out how they responded to her Facebook post and why women are usually the ones asking these questions!