“I caught my maid watching an adult movie in my home”
What would you do if you found your helper watching porn in your home while your child was in the other room? A Singaporean mum tells us how she dealt with the unexpected and difficult situation.
Maya* is a working mum who lives with her 9-year-old son, Roy*. Her husband passed away 2 years ago. That was when she hired a Filipino maid, Maria* to look after her son while she was away at work. Maria was given the privilege of using her mobile phone to contact her parents and boyfriend back home. Maya also let her use her iPad to research for recipes to try out. Then one day, she caught her in the dirty - masturbating to a porn video on her iPad!
This is Maya’s story:
It was after midnight of a school night. I got home from my night shift (I work as a nurse in SGH), and I was looking for my iPad to book a ticket to Bali for the June school holidays. It was Roy’s birthday two days later and I wanted to get the ticket to surprise him. Looking high and low for my iPad, it hit me that Maria must have used it for herself. She had been experimenting with new dishes and youtube had been the quickest and simplest way for her to learn. I had in fact encouraged her to spend some of her free time (like when my son was at school), to surf the net and learn new things.
So I entered her room to check if my iPad was there. I could see the blue-green glow of the screen spilling from the crack beneath her door. She was awake, I thought to myself and I let myself in, thinking she was reading something ‘valuable’.
Instead, I was stunned to see Maria on a porn site on my iPad, with her pyjama top unbuttoned, and bolster in between her legs. She was feverishly masturbating to the images on the screen. She turned around in utter shock, then looked angry.
I walked out, shaking. The first thought that came into my mind was what if Roy had seen this? What if he walked into her room having woken up or needing something in the middle of the night?
I know she’s human, and has her needs and desires too. But I couldn’t help think from a mum’s point of view and worry about the repercussions. I know how porn rewires your brain, hijacks your libido and can blur your judgement. To me, any sexual innuendos as well as graphic nudity in my home can be a negative thing, especially if my son fell upon it.
The iPad she was given to use was a shared device between us, and my son could at any time unlock it and view it. He used it to play games during his playtime when I was not at home. Yes, it also then hit me that I should have blocked those sites.
My feelings were mixed, I admit. I realised this was a tricky situation. For years, I lumped all men who looked at porn into one perverse Pandora's box. Now I was dealing with a helper who was experiencing in the bedroom next to my son’s and mine.
A while later, Maria came to me, apologising and trying to explain herself. I was not angry but just very confused to how to handle such a delicate situation. I told her I understood her needs, her being away from her man must be difficult, but I also was afraid that Roy would chance upon it.
She was very reassuring when she told me that she had only just discovered it and always cleared the browsing history. She said she knew that there were boundaries and she was not going to cross them. Her boyfriend back home had told her about the sites, and also warned her to do it safely and not to let Roy get hold of the iPad before she could get off the site.
I felt a little better after hearing that she had taken steps to being careful, but I also told her to lock her door while on the act! I ended off our conversation saying I knew where she was coming from, but she had to practice discretion and not get obsessed over it or let it affect her work time. It was a tough and uncomfortable chat to have, but this was something I never planned or even thought possible.
I started thinking to myself that I had to somehow block these sites from popping up when the iPad was in Roy’s hands. Needless to say, that night I didn’t dare touch my iPad, but I went to sleep feeling relieved that I had caught her in the act and that we had spoken about it.
*All names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.
What would you do if you caught your helper watching an adult movie in her room? Share with us- we would love to hear from you.