If your husband can't keep an erection, does it mean he no longer finds you attractive?
Just because a man can no longer perform in bed, it doesn't mean he can no longer be aroused. So how can you help a husband who struggles with erectile dysfunction?
There are times you might feel like you are no longer enough to keep your hubby satisfied. It can be frustrating for women who have tried practically everything but can’t seem to arouse their hubbies. If your husband can’t keep an erection, does it mean he no longer finds you attractive?
Sex in marriage is a deeply emotional form of intimacy. When one’s sex drive wanes, it’s natural to wonder if this is somehow linked to some emotional problem.
It’s natural for women to blame themselves for not being able to arouse their hubbies. But it’s important not to resort to self-pity. It’s true that in some cases, a lack of trust is the reason some men “can’t get it up.” But an inability to “get hard” doesn’t mean there is no attraction and that the wife is failing in some way.
In fact, struggles with staying erect can happen when a man is seriously attracted to a woman. He can put too much pressure on himself, causing him to panic and make him unable to perform.
This eagerness to please can cause him to self-doubt. With each encounter that ends in frustration, a man can feel even more inadequate. All because he can’t keep an erection.
So don’t feel bad that your hubby can’t seem to be aroused. It is not your fault. But what you can do is to show him love and be patient with him.
It’s also important to remember that, aside from anxiety, depression, and other mental problems, there are physical factors that could contribute to erectile dysfunction.
- It is possible a man can’t keep an erection because of certain problems, such as diabetes or heart disease.
- Certain prescribed medication can make it difficult for men to maintain an erection.
- Vices like alcohol, smoking, and drugs can also affect erection.
- Certain types of condoms can make erection difficult or uncomfortable.
- History of abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, could also be a factor.
- Pain upon erection or other penile problems like tight foreskin could be the culprit.
As this is a sensitive topic that can cause damage to his ego, broach the subject carefully. Once you’ve discussed what you both think could be causing this issue, here are some techniques to try, according to social psychologist Petra Boynton:
- Relaxation and mindfulness exercises. Try breathing and meditating to ease his anxiety about sex. Tensing and relaxing muscles repeatedly can also help him relax. These techniques could also be a shared activity and who knows, withholding touch could even be a turn on!
- Take away the pressure of achieving orgasm. Make sex less threatening by relieving him and yourself of the pressure to hit that big O. Slow down and relax. There’s no rush!
- Explore other alternatives for pleasure. Savour each other’s touch in new ways. You might have to go back to basic petting and kissing to ease him into the act of sex itself.
- Avoid self-medicating as much as possible. Some over-the-counter drugs promise help with erection problems, but they can have adverse effects, causing erectile dysfunction after a surge of arousal.
Make sure to consult a doctor or sex therapist to confirm the exact cause of your hubby’s erectile woes.