Ask The Expert (ATE): Emotional Shifts During Post-Partum Every Parent Should Know
Postpartum life brings more than sleepless nights and physical recovery, it can also trigger profound emotional shifts. Feelings such as irritability, disconnection, guilt, and identity loss are often overlooked in favour of talking about baby milestones. Clinical psychologist Kate Minosora from Us Therapy shares real-world insights into the emotional journey new parents face and offers comforting advice to help you navigate this transformative time.
Why am I so irritated with my partner after baby arrives? Is this normal?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly common to feel more irritable and easily annoyed with your partner after a baby arrives – and it’s a question many new parents quietly wonder about! These feelings are often a very normal, though tough, part of adjusting to new parenthood.
This common irritation often stems from a mix of sleep deprivation, ongoing hormonal shifts, the overwhelming demands of a newborn (which can lead to feeling like tasks aren’t equally shared), and the identity shift both partners are navigating. While these feelings are a shared experience, if the irritation feels constant, leads to frequent arguments, or significantly impacts your relationship, openly discussing it with your partner or seeking support from a healthcare professional can be really helpful.
Why do I cry so easily after birth—even over small things? Should I be worried?
Kate Minosora: It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by how easily you cry after giving birth – so many new parents feel this exact way! Those tears, even over tiny things, are super common and often part of the “baby blues.” This typically lasts for about two weeks, and it’s mostly due to your hormones doing a huge dance after birth, plus all that sleep deprivation and the sheer emotional and physical rollercoaster of becoming a new parent.
While it’s a normal phase, if these feelings get really intense, stick around longer than two weeks, or make it hard to manage your day or care for yourself and baby, please know it’s a good idea to reach out to a doctor or therapist for a chat. You’re definitely not alone in this!
How can partners reconnect emotionally when the relationship feels like cohabiting roommates?
Kate Minosora: It’s difficult when you feel like you and your partner have become just housemates after the baby arrives, and please know this is a hugely common experience for new parents. That feeling of distance is real, but it certainly doesn’t mean your deep connection is gone for good. Rebuilding emotional intimacy in the postpartum period is about consciously carving out moments for each other amidst the beautiful chaos.
Start small: make eye contact, share a quick, genuine compliment, or hold hands for a moment. Prioritise listening to each other without judgment, and remember to voice your appreciation for the everyday efforts. Simple physical affection can bridge gaps, too. This journey back to feeling like a connected couple takes patience and kindness from both of you, recognising that this intense period of life requires extra grace.
Is feeling anxious or sad at six months still considered postpartum?
Kate Minosora: The short answer is a resounding yes, your feelings at 6 months postpartum are definitely still considered part of the postpartum period. It’s a really common misconception that mental health struggles only happen in the first few weeks after birth.
Many parents experience symptoms of Post-Natal Depression (PND) or Post-Natal Anxiety (PNA) that can show up weeks, or even months, down the line, often lasting up to a year or more if not addressed. So, feeling sad, anxious, and “not quite right” at 6 months is certainly a sign that these are still postpartum mental health challenges. Please know you’re not alone, and it’s a great idea to reach out to a healthcare professional, because these feelings are treatable and you absolutely deserve to feel “right” again!
I love my baby, but sometimes I just want to escape. Then I feel guilty. What should I do?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly honest and brave to share your feelings. Please know that many parents, despite deeply loving their babies, experience days where they just want to escape and then immediately feel overwhelmed by guilt. This push-and-pull, where you love your baby but also feel the intense desire to run away, is a very real and common aspect of postpartum life. It’s often a direct response to the immense, relentless demands of caring for a newborn and profound emotional depletion, indicating you’re in survival mode.
These emotions can be a symptom of postnatal depression (PND) or postnatal anxiety (PNA). Acknowledging these thoughts is the first step, and it’s crucial to remember that having a thought doesn’t define you or your intentions. Reaching out for support is truly the best next step, as these feelings are treatable, and you deserve to feel more than just “living by.”
Why do I feel disconnected from my baby—and how do I cope with guilt?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly tough to feel disconnected from your baby, and then be hit with guilt because you just can’t seem to make that connection. This is a very common, yet often unspoken, struggle for many new parents.
It doesn’t mean you love your baby any less; it simply means you’re human, navigating immense exhaustion, hormonal shifts, and the overwhelming demands that can leave you feeling numb or depleted. This feeling can stem from sleep deprivation or unmet expectations of motherhood. Acknowledging that this happens, and that it’s not your fault, is the first step.
Is feeling angry or sad for seemingly no reason normal? Should I worry?
Kate Minosora: It’s very common to experience strong, shifting emotions like anger or sadness “for no reason” after giving birth – and many parents worry their feelings aren’t valid, especially when a partner might not understand. Please know these intense and unpredictable mood swings are a very real, and often normal, part of the postpartum adjustment.
Your feelings aren’t crazy; they’re a common signal that your body and mind are navigating huge changes. This emotional unpredictability often stems from the massive hormonal shifts happening after birth, combined with sleep deprivation and the sheer overwhelm of caring for a newborn. While these fluctuations are common, if the anger or sadness feels persistent, overwhelming, lasts longer than two weeks, or significantly impacts your daily life or relationships, it’s wise to speak with a healthcare professional. You deserve support in navigating these powerful emotions.
Is it normal that I still have no interest in sex even months after birth?
Kate Minosora: It’s very frequent to experience a significantly reduced interest in sex for many months, or even longer, after giving birth – and please know that this is a widely shared concern for many new parents. Your body is navigating immense hormonal changes, recovering from childbirth, and likely dealing with chronic sleep deprivation and the sheer exhaustion of caring for a baby around the clock.
These factors alone can dramatically impact libido. It’s also typical to feel touched out, overwhelmed, or simply lacking the mental and physical energy for intimacy. Feeling sorry for your husband is a compassionate response, but your own well-being and energy levels are valid factors here. This lack of desire is a normal postpartum experience, and it’s not a reflection of your relationship or feelings for your partner. If it’s causing distress for you or your partner, or if you have concerns, chatting with a healthcare professional can provide reassurance and support.
Why do I feel frustrated by small things—and can I ever feel like myself again?
Kate Minosora: It’s very common for new parents to feel easily frustrated by small things – like a baby crying or forgotten chores – even if you weren’t like that before. These intense feelings are a normal, though tough, part of the postpartum adjustment. Your emotional fuse is often much shorter due to the significant hormonal shifts after birth, chronic sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming demands of caring for a newborn.
The good news is, yes, you absolutely can go back to feeling more like yourself. This heightened frustration is a temporary phase that can be managed. If these feelings are persistent, overwhelming, last longer than two weeks, or significantly impact your daily life and relationships, reaching out to a healthcare professional can provide valuable strategies and support to help you navigate this period and find your way back to feeling more “normal” again.
Why do I feel overwhelmed even during seemingly normal days?
Kate Minosora: That feeling of being so utterly overwhelmed, even when everything seems fine and you’re constantly exhausted, is absolutely normal and something countless new parents experience. It’s a very real response to the immense, often invisible, demands of postpartum life.
Your body is still recovering, hormones are shifting, and your brain is in a constant “on-call” state, leading to chronic fatigue and overwhelm even during a “normal” day. This is often called postpartum fatigue or overwhelm, and it’s a valid feeling that many face.
How do I explain the invisible emotional load of motherhood to my partner?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly frustrating when your partner minimises the immense effort involved in being home all day with a baby, and that feeling of unfairness is completely valid. Many new parents struggle with this exact dynamic, as being “home all day” isn’t a break; it’s a relentless, emotionally and mentally demanding job that often goes unseen.
To help your partner understand the emotional load (or mental load), try making the invisible visible: write down everything you think about, plan, or do related to the baby and household, not just the physical tasks, and share this list with them.
Explain that it’s the constant mental management and emotional labor that’s truly exhausting. Finally, use “I” statements to describe your feelings and clearly articulate what kind of support would genuinely help you, reinforcing that you are a team navigating this demanding phase together.
I’ve lost my pre-parent identity and feel misunderstood—will I ever feel like myself again?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly tough when you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself after becoming a parent, especially a career-driven identity, and that sense of feeling lost is deeply real.
Many new parents experience this profound shift, where everything feels different and even those closest to you don’t seem to understand. This feeling of not knowing who you are, or if you’ll ever “go back” to your old self, is a very common and valid struggle stemming from the immense identity shift that motherhood brings, coupled with emotional load and sleep deprivation.
While you might not go “back” to exactly who you were, you absolutely can find a new, strong sense of self that integrates your past ambitions with your new role. This journey of rediscovery takes time, patience, and often support; reaching out to a healthcare professional can provide guidance to navigate this significant transition.
Why do I feel lonely even surrounded by supportive people?
Kate Minosora: It’s so hard to feel so alone, even when surrounded by supportive people. That deep feeling that nobody truly understands what you’re going through is a very common and isolating experience for many new parents, stemming from the unique and often invisible emotional and physical demands of postpartum life. This disconnect, despite being loved, is precisely what fuels that profound sense of loneliness.
Why can’t I normalise my sleep even four months postpartum? Why am I awake at night?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly frustrating when you’re 4 months postpartum and your sleep is still all over the place – exhausted by day, wide awake at night. This struggle is very common, often because nighttime feels like your only “me time” after a day of constant demands.
This need for personal time can accidentally keep you wired, preventing the deep rest your body desperately needs. It’s a tough cycle of postpartum insomnia driven by hormones, fragmented sleep, and an “on-call” brain, but acknowledging this “reclaiming time” aspect is key to finding ways to get the sleep you crave.
Why do I feel unattractive and disconnected from my body and partner? What can I do?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly distressing to feel this way, and please know that these feelings about your body and your partner’s attraction are very common for new mums. Your body has done something truly extraordinary, and it’s natural for it to look and feel different. This can profoundly impact your self-confidence, making it hard to believe your husband’s reassurances, even though his words are important. This period of intense self-doubt can pass.
To navigate this, focus on self-compassion for your body’s incredible feat, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable now, and communicate your specific insecurities with your husband. Reconnecting through non-sexual touch can also help rebuild intimacy. If these feelings persist or cause significant distress, reaching out to a healthcare professional can provide valuable strategies and support.
How can I manage guilt when wanting time away from my baby?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly tough when you crave time away from your baby, only to be hit with overwhelming guilt and worries that something bad might happen. This push-and-pull is a very real and widely shared part of new parenthood, and it doesn’t mean you love your daughter any less; it simply means you’re human and need to recharge.
Wanting time to breathe isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your well-being and your ability to be the best parent you can be. To work through this, gently remind yourself that taking a break is a healthy need, and challenge those guilt thoughts by focusing on the evidence that your daughter is safe with a trusted caregiver. Start with short breaks, gradually extending them as you feel more comfortable, and know that allowing yourself to breathe ultimately benefits both you and your daughter.
Why does understanding motherhood bring both insight and burden?
Kate Minosora: It’s wonderful that motherhood has given you such a profound, mind-opening perspective, helping you understand your own mother better and see the world differently. This fresh point of view is a significant aspect of the journey. However, it’s completely understandable and incredibly common that this profound insight also comes with a hidden burden – the emotional load that feels immense and isolating because it’s so hard to articulate.
Many new parents experience this silent weight, feeling a deep shift within themselves that isn’t easily shared or understood by others. This emotional labour involves constant anticipation, planning, and worrying, often without external recognition, and it can indeed feel overwhelming when you carry it alone.
How do I deal with a partner who minimizes my postpartum struggle by comparing their tiredness?
Kate Minosora: It’s incredibly tough when you’re navigating such a challenging postpartum period and feel like your husband doesn’t truly grasp what it’s like. That feeling of not being understood, especially when you’re trying to share your struggles, is incredibly isolating and unfair.
It sounds like you’re carrying a huge emotional and physical load, and when you finally have someone to talk to, being met with comparisons or being told you’re “finding excuses” must feel incredibly disheartening. This feeling of everything being one‑sided adds to the overwhelming exhaustion you’re experiencing, often stemming from both partners being tired and misinterpreting each other’s needs.
Postpartum Emotional Changes Are Real—and Support Matters
Your postpartum emotional experience is valid, complex, and deserving of care. Whether it’s mood swings, feeling disconnected, identity loss, or burnout, you’re not alone, and this phase doesn’t define your future. With open communication, self‑compassion, and support, emotional balance is possible again.
About the Expert
Kate Minosora is a Senior Clinical Psychologist at Us Therapy, specializing in maternal mental health, postpartum transitions, and emotional wellness. She supports parents through therapy and evidence-based guidance to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of early parenthood.