Want to know if you’re really ready to have a child (or more children)?
So, I’ve been seeing a few things on Facebook lately.
Some friends of mine, (bless their souls) put up pictures of their puppies/ kittens with hashtags #bestmumever or #readyforparenting.
A newly married friend of mine, in her late twenties, posted a picture of a dead plant in a pot, at the corner of her balcony, not void of sun and water; with the caption, “Here’s proof of why we’re not ready to have kids yet.”
You guys, aw, you’re adorable, thinking children are totally comparable to puppies and plants.
They are much worse. You have NO IDEA.
Want to know if you’re really ready to have a child? (And for those mummies who had their first and are coo-ing for a second one, good for you! Let’s test your memory to see if you recall any of these annoying traits.)
1. They are fickle-minded
They give you hope by agreeing to have broccoli and carrots. Then they say they weren’t listening, they actually want fish. Then, they get upset that we killed the fish to eat it.
That’s it. You get cereal, kid.
By this point, they decide to munch on the cold carrots like there wasn’t an issue in the first place.
“Veggies are so yummy, mummy!”
2. They’re always there
Try not to bump into your offspring with your own butt. Of course they have to be in your blindspot. They take shadowing very seriously.
They will claw their way through the toilet door if you dare to even close it, through your number 1 and number 2.
When you’re cleaning cat poop. When you’re sending an email. When you’re cooking, (that’s right, you knocked your kid down with your butt again, in the kitchen this time.)
Check this out: 10 things you didn’t say until you became a parent
3. A part of them needs to touch you. At all times.
Similar to the previous point, but more.
Be it at the couch, in bed, in the car; you know your kids will need a part of them to touch a part of you. Juuuuust to make sure you’re still there.
You could own a king size bed, but your toddler can somehow push you to the very edge (of your bed and sanity).
You could be sitting on an 8-seater couch, and you’ll find that your child’s tiny toes found their way to your legs.
4. They spill everything
Everything, everywhere. Try this, lay down newspapers/ disposable picnic cloth on the dining table right before mealtime, so you can just pack up afterwards and throw them away. No mess, no wipe.
I think their bodies have the ability to change permeability. Food, drinks, ice cream, cake, tend to just fall through them and hit the floor. They have Spiderman-like adhesive nature as well. You’ll always find bits of rice, leftovers or chocolate smudges on their clothes..and neck..4 hours later.
5. They don’t stop talking
Wah. This one.
Y’know that TV show ‘Kids Say The Darndest Things’. Cute ain’t it? But that is just 5% of what kids say.
They didn’t show the 95%. Which is basically just ramblings. It’s okay though, you’ll learn to filter…eventually…okay, I’m kidding. You have to process everything as a parent. In the end, you have all this information that is not even worth space on the refrigerator door.
Sometimes it’s deep questions and you’re amazed at this creature that came out of you, capable of deep curiosity about the universe.
Other times, it’s asking why their booger changes shape. And which texture you like best. Everyday.
6. No matter how hard you try: They don’t register clothes
There will come a time, when you’re just gonna let your toddler work that diaper with nothing else on.
For those of us with older kids/ boys, you know this phase isn’t really a phase.
The bulk of your morning is made up of you reminding your kids to put on their underwear for the 374234th time. You want them to be independent, so you let them to do it on their own even though everything takes 45 mins longer than they should, right?
Right. So you deserve repeating the process, at the door. This time, with shoes.
Also read: Bloopers! 6 funny parenting stories
7. They don’t register privacy
Remember this mother? Yup. We feel you, girl.
8. They pee everywhere but in the bowl
Then there’s this mummy.
Alright. This is mostly due to the boys’ aiming skills and let’s face it, they may never outgrow this, but this phenomenon deserves a mention.
How many times have you had to specify (with big gestures) where the bowl is?
In the bowl. Out of the bowl. In the bowl. Out of the bowl.
*Takes out gloves and a bottle of Dettol*
*Starts wiping the bathroom (again) so it doesn’t smell like a public toilet*
9. They’re never clean for more than an hour
Refer to point #4, #6 and #8.
10. They freak out over the smallest things
Every kid has a ‘freak out button’.
Tantrums are how young children express frustration because they don’t have a wide range of vocab yet. We already understand that many factors can affect them – hunger, fatigue, discomfort etc.
At times though, the reason doesn’t come close to making any sense.
Well, it’s okay baby. Adults go through this too. Sometimes, there’s just a dog in the way.
Parents, embrace the annoying things they do before we start missing their antics. No matter how annoying our kids get, we wouldn’t change anything for the world.
(Maybe except the peeing thing. Repeat after me, “In. The. Bowl.”)
So how? Second/ third one? 🙂
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