Harsh forms of disciplining our children are rapidly losing popularity. What are the gentler and more effective alternatives?

Discipline methods for our children are plenty, but which one do we choose? It can get quite confusing to say the least.

In Singapore, some parents swear by a more authoritarian approach to disciplining children. But at the same time, more and more parents are looking for gentler ways of correcting their little ones.

If you are such a parent, two alternative methods of discipline that you may have heard about are permissive parenting and positive parenting. But often, the two are confused.

In this article, you’ll find out exactly what each system of discipline is about, and which one is advocated more (and why) as the better way of disciplining a child.

Permissive parenting

Permissive parenting is one of the three parenting styles developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind defines, based on her research with preschoolers.

According to Baumrind “permissive parents are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behaviour, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation.”

Parents who adopt this extremely relaxed style of parenting (also known as “indulgent parenting”) are in general very warm, caring and nurturing (which is awesome) and impose very few or no rules or boundaries when it comes to their children’s behaviour and attitudes (which is questionable). They often take on the role of friend rather than parent.

Because of this, critics of the permissive parenting approach believe that children who grow up in this parenting environment may be “self-involved and demanding” and “may feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance.”

A person following the permissive parenting approach would most likely ignore or give in to their child’s tantrum, rather delving into the root cause of the tantrum.

Advantages

• Being seen as a friend rather than a parent to your child can have its benefits when your child is older, in terms of making communication easier between you both.

• Kids may grow up having higher levels of self-esteem in the face of complete positivity and lack of criticism, anger or judgement from their parents.

• Children who are raised by permissive parents are often better communicators and more confident in general.

Disadvantages

• Children brought up in a permissive parenting environment may have increased alcohol use as teenagers as indicated by research.

• Studies also point to higher rates of school misconduct and lower levels of academic achievement among children brought up in a permissive parenting environment. This is possibly because such children have no understanding of how to behave in an environment where certain rules need to be followed — such as in school.

• Children with permissive parents may have lower physical activity levels, which is related to childhood obesity.

• Another study indicates the link between permissiveness and excessive TV use among children.

Find out how those who uphold positive parenting principles set boundaries and discipline their children — gently. Next page please.