Parenting under fire
Kris Jenner, mother of the Kardashian sisters, received much criticism this week when a video emerged of Kim Kardashian telling Oprah Winfrey that Kris put her on birth control when she was only fourteen years old. However, Kris gave her side of the story during a later interview with Bethenny Frankel:
“Kim came to me and… was very honest with me and said ‘Mommy I think I’m feeling… sexual,” Kris explained. “I’m thinking oh God, here we go.”
Perhaps unsurprisingly, Kris’ next action was to drive to the doctor’s office to seek advice. The mother of six says she did buy birth control for her 14-year-old daughter but explains her actions in the following way :
“You can try and talk your kids out of it… of course I had every… talk… and said this is what you should do,” Kris stated. “But the truth is unless you lock your child in the closet and throw the key away, they’re going to do what they feel… So my philosophy has also been make sure your kids are healthy, well taken care of, and educated.”
Confronting the birds and the bees
You may be shocked at the way Kris Jenner handled her daughter’s early sexual precocity but what do you do when your own daughter believes she is ready to have sex, and you don’t agree? The chances are your teenage daughter is too young to be ready for the emotional fallout of becoming sexual.
Related: Hey kids, let’s talk about sex
Offer support and guidance as a parent
Understand that your daughter may be under huge amounts of peer pressure to be sexually active. While you cannot prevent your daughter from being sexually active, there are many things you can do to encourage her to wait. Explain that whoever becomes her “first” will be a very special guy who treasures her feelings and knows how lucky he is to be with her. Ensure she understands that if a boy really loves her, he will refuse to pressure her into having sex.
Like Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian, have you ever been in a similar situation with your teenage daughter? Here’s what 3 of our readers had to say:
Dominik, 30, father of one daughter: “I can only comment that a teenager has to try to understand the difference between ‘pleasure or lust’ and ‘patience and real love’. When a girl decides to lose her virginity at the age of 14 it may be rather, at first, a case of lust and desire. At our current age, we all know that 14 is not the right age.
Again, you cannot forbid your kids to do so as this will create the opposite effect and you do not want them to do stupid things. As a parent you can only share your own experiences and ‘hope’ that your kids are smart enough to follow your example.”
Caroline, 36, mother of one daughter: “If my daughter came up to me at 14 and told me she wants to have sex I would probably have a minor heart attack and her father would probably put her in a nunnery! But the reality of the matter is I would have to sit her down and talk about the consequences of sex and how sex is an adult action. Hopefully, I would have already talked about sex with her by then so the conversation would be more of the responsibility that partaking in sex brings.”
Suzanna, 33, mother of two daughters: As an Asian parent it is very easy to blame the media and the influence of Western culture on our kids’ early sexual development. But it is worse if you react negatively and your kids don’t want to confide in you! I hope when my daughters reach that sensitive age they feel that they are able to approach me.
Related: The big talk
Some sentiments from our Facebook fan page
Cheoh Boo: 14 is not the legal age for sex in Sg even if it’s consensual by all parties. Allowing it to happen is as good as promoting statutory rape. Which parent want their child to be in Boy’s/ Girl’s Home at such young age?
Lennie Hong: Is 14 the legal age to hv sex? What about morals?
Jacklin Mariasoosai: I’ll wack her butt n slap her mouth for asking such permission….
Erika Melson-Lim: I think it’s all about morals and upbringing ! Some parents do the most amazing (in a bad way) just so that they can be labelled the ‘cool parent’
I have already told my 12 yr old daughter that I am NOT a cool parent and don’t wish to be one !
June LB: I don’t agree to her way definitely. But then again, even if she disapprove, will Kim listen?
Jamel Krishnan: I think in this case, the situation called for it. Kim is in the public eye a lot and would have grown up a lot faster as a celebrity. Hence, giving her permission but telling her about the right thing to do would prob be the wisest thing to do since it’d be difficult to control her daughter otherwise. She had to trust her daughter to do what she was taught so I can understand. It doesn’t sit well with the rest of us because we are in an entirely different situation from the Kardashians. This is major fame level, something even our Zoe Tay cannot compare to. So measures taken would be different. If I were put in a similar situation, who’s to say I wouldn’t have had to do the same? Sometimes it’s not just about being a cool parent or having mere morals and upbringing, it’s also about being realistic and practical.
What would you tell your kid if they asked your permission for sex at 14? Tell us your thoughts below…