Funny Asian Baby Names
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Funny Asian Names
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Back in college, I used to know a fine fellow called Hariharan (popular Indian name after a god), or Hari for short. The hours I spent making fun of his name, it could have got me into Harvard had I used it wisely! (yes, as intelligent as I am, I’m not a Harvard alumni) From “hairy” to “hari hurry up”, from absurd rhymes to the blatantly stupid. I shamelessly made fun of him so much, I was lucky he did not shoot me during NS.
Now this brings me to the point, why for the life of you, would a parent give funny names to children? Forget Shiloh (of Brangelina fame) or Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter), let’s celebrate our Asian culture and discover some funny Asian names, that creative, or commonly called mean, sorts like myself would murder the person with … (writer rubs his palms in absolute glee)
Darriah (a popular Indian name) – Yes we all do not know how to spell diarrhea, but it sure sounds like that!
Hardick (a Hindi name) – try splitting the word in half. At least the owner of this name won’t have trouble attracting the women.
Dough – You name your child the first five letters of doughnut. Really, do you expect the poor child not to be fat?
Dick – Absolutely self-explanatory
Pinky – Smells suspiciously like a dumb blonde. This girl’s never ever going to be invited to MENSA. If we don’t have a bluey or a greeny then why in the world is there a pinky?
Fanny – I’m refraining deliberately from going into details
Phyllis – Congratulations Phyllis, you’re Syphilis free.
Jesus – Now why, why would you want to call him that? “Jesus! Jesus, can you stop misbehaving”
Harry – It’s terrible when you have hairless legs and are called Harry.
Chastity – Yes, I’m sure she’s going to have a brilliant sex life
Sukhdeep (popular Punjabi name) – once again you can split this unfortunate fellow’s name in half and let your imagination run wild.
Vodka – Unless you’re Russian, please!
The list can keep going on and on. However, I do have limited friends and I’ve made fun of most of them here already!
In the Austin Powers movie “Goldmember” it’s all about the scene when Austin Powers meets nubile Asian twin girls named, “Fook Yu” and “Fook Mi,” and delightfully banter about their names — names which take on new meaning when translated into English. The name joke was a hit with the film’s audience but also touches on the pulse of an evolving trend among real-life Asians and their self-consciousness over poorly translated names.
Laksa sounding names only please
Parents can and must play a huge role here. Avoid the fanciful Mediterranean name if you eat roti prata and chicken rice consistently. Your child is not going to miraculously look like a Greek god just because he’s called Xaviere. We can all remember when the teacher calls out the names from the register in secondary school and pauses ever so often, stumped by fancy or simply long names. Yes, I belonged to the latter and often these long pauses by the teacher with a bewildered look plastered on her face, meant the cue for me to raise my hand and chirp “that would be me!”
Simplicity is beauty
Friends have told me that naming their child is an operation similar to organising a National Day Parade. Both have to be exceptional, different from the average Joe and memorable (minus the helicopters and the President for the child’s name of course). For crying out loud, every National Day Parade looks the same each year! How about staging one that is pure, simple yet meaningful? Now people would truly appreciate that and remember that particular parade. Precisely how a baby’s name should be – meaningful in its original language or at least of some value to the parents. It’s simple in its spelling and pronunciation, unless the name’s adapted from a foreign language of course.
Do also remember that while your baby grows up to eventually become a matured adult, his name remains with him. While your baby daughter appears so cute when called Twinky as a bumbling infant, she certainly is not going to appreciate it years later, dressed in a power suit when she has a swanky business card. Give your child a name you would be proud of having yourself.
Thought of a name?
Finally you have a simple yet meaningful name for your child? One final step, check the name please! Trawl the internet and search the name. Better yet, ask friends for opinions when you think of a name, instead of shrouding the name in mystery all the way up till the naming ceremony. Make sure it has no weird meanings in other languages or even belong to infamous celebrities. For example, if you’re a Chong, naming your sweet little daughter Annabel is simply sentencing her to a lifetime of ridicule (from people like me of course!)
There are only three things an individual has no control of; his genes, parentage and name. Parents do your children a favour and assure that they can be proud of what they call themselves. Your children would thank you profusely when they’re all grown, and no one has contorted their name. Now I’ve an old friend who’s long overdue a call from me. Let me check my phonebook for hairy, sorry Hari’s number.
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After seeing the author’s name, I truly understand what prompted him to write this article….right? Puny Man, o?
Naming a child is indeed a terrible experience. Whatever you come out with, someone will find something to joke about.
I called my daughter Sarah, which is a common, simple and meaningful name for Christians. When my in-laws heard that, they asked why do you call her “Sa lah!” (wrong in Malay).
Imagine the Chinese ethnic has many dialects. It is almost unavoidable that some names will end up as something funny, or worse vulgar, in another dialect.
Anyway, the article has some good tips to follow to minimise the situation.
Hahahah, I am a Fanny, and after moving to UK, I now use my chinese name only! I don’t know what my parents were thinking! Lol.
Spot on Eliza! The number of puny jokes i used to get was amazing. Thankfully, I have been assured often that I’m not puny… Grin
I have a hard time wondering what name should my gal and boy have…. I chose Wena for my gal, so far… comments are that her name is beautiful and written uniquely… people so far have pronounce the name in a correct way. Thank God. As for my little boy, I named him Dev…. also a very simple Hindu name.
Sorry ‘Puny Man’ *wink*…what is wrong with Annabel Chong? Am curious to know…so that I avoid naming any of my kids that…:)
Annabel Chong, is a former Singaporean pornographic actress now living in the United States. She became famous for engaging in 251 sex acts with about 70 men over a ten-hour period in January 1995, setting a world record, with the resulting footage being packaged as The World’s Biggest Gang Bang.
PS: Chong was born and raised in Singapore. She was a student at Raffles Girls’ School and Hwa Chong Junior College before going on to study law in London under a scholarship.
Wikipedia lover, you should be writing articles for us here! Thanks for the knowledge, you just saved funmom from catastrophe
LOL you’ve never heard of Annabel Chong? Which rock have you been under in the last ten years?
Sori for my ignorance, what’s wrong with Fanny? I’ve a friend with this name, & I thot it is quite sweet…
Erm…okay. You need a dictionary. In American english, Fanny means your butt, in British english Fanny means vagina…
So yeah, it’s quite a sweet name indeed!
Haha… enjoyed this article, Puny Man-O, and all the comments too
Also read somewhere, not to name your kid Nelson if you are a Tan (read that in Mandarin = niao-sen-dan
And also do not name your daughter Monica if you are a Cheng
(read that in Hokkien = mo-ni-kacheng)
Do not name your son Paul if you are a Chan, lest he always be penniless (Cantonese)
Funny Asian names indeed!
My surname is Choy. OhhHhh, the fun the school kids had when I was a kid. Choy means vegetables in Cantonese.
And my hubby’s name is King Tat, which sounds like “King Tut” the Egyptian King.
So, you can imagine, how careful we were in choosing our kids name. My second son’s name is Ethan! I thought it was a wonderful name. But no. Apparently, it sounds like “Eaten” (as in, have you eaten yet?)
You can’t win them all.
No matter how careful we choose kids’ names, they bounce to be teased. My elder son, Isaac, they say he only learn letter I to Z.
Facing same problem with Jasmin, second son’s name Ethan, they also name it Have u Eaten.
We can do is to smile and walk away.
To us, we think is a nice name. But for others they will find ways to tease the name.
there is a korean exchange student at my school (im from Ohio) and his name is Jung Pao…..we always call him Kung Pao
I have a friend name Herman.
(common name in Indonesia)
My lecture also stopped a second while calling his name. And mistakenly call ‘her man’.
Balinese also very common with name prefix with ‘I Made ‘.
It becomes a funny name here.
By rite should be pronounced as ‘e ma-te ‘
a big fat man
I know what made you right this(especially about the Indian names)..stop copying and try to be original…
Other funny Asian Names:
A Thai girl named: Cuntipong
Two Vietnamese brothers named: Tim and Tam (maybe only funny to the Australians!)
A Thai girl named: Ponstar
A young Korean man named: dong ki
These names are indeed funny. Lol